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Manning, “how many times I encounter derogatory beliefs about this group of women, beliefs that dismiss the magnitude of the issue and the legitimacy of it, by framing them as pathological, overreacting, and frigid women who need to lighten up. ’” Some women, in fact, have “lightened up.” Not all wives react negatively to their husbands using pornography.

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Sadly, John and Shelli’s story of a marriage nearly destroyed by pornography and addiction is all too common.

In 2002, at a meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, the divorce attorneys present said over half (56%) of their cases involved one party having “an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.” In a presentation given at the Witherspoon Institute, Dr.

Shelli remembers well the day her husband John called her up to confess his secret obsession with pornography.

Years of guilt, shame, and wasted time had finally taken its toll on John, and the emotional dam broke. “It took me by complete surprise,” she says, “I didn’t have any clue that it was even an issue.” But after the shock came the hurt.

Researchers have found that wives and girlfriends often feel a loss of self-esteem in these situations.

However, comparing marital intimacy to pornography is like comparing apples to oranges.

“It’s so important that women get that.” Easier said than done.

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